Of Country and Family

I dare not say that I “hate” this country. That wouldn’t be an accurate statement at all. My sentiments about this country are those of family, a dysfunctional family. People that whether we like them or not are connected to us. Like in some of our own families there are people we don’t like, or respect and there are people who hurt us over and over again. There are members who we know at every function will show their ass and embarrass us. Even members we wouldn’t leave with our children or invite into our home. If we are honest with our selves anyway. There are traditions and ideologies, habits that have been passed down from generation to generation even though they are wrong and damaging. There are secrets and shames within the family that no one talks about, or everyone talks about. Some of the ties that bind us are those of the worst kind. But like a family, there are gems! There are victories and successes that others will never understand. There are shining moments of unity and displays of love that do occur. There are members that strive to be righteous, loving, compassionate, and respectful for what God has given them. Even the young ones who show up to every gathering with their pants sagging and new holes in their face, awkward hair, speaking a dialogue that makes any language seem simple. We love them anyway. There are some who stand up every single time and make us proud, and give us hope. We love them anyway. 

I do not agree with the direction that this “family” continues to go in. I do not like how we treat one another, but I have never lived anywhere else or been apart of any other family. All I know is to keep fighting for this one. To try again and again. To scream, to fight, to get angry. To shed tears and grieve and hurt for this family. This one. The United States of America. I am thankful for those who continue to fight with me, each in different ways. To the service men and women who had fought on foreign soil, given instructions by men behind iron curtains and hidden agendas. Whether right or wrong, service men and women who got out in the streets with their cousins to fight and protect the family name because ultimately we can’t like someone kick in our door, our loved ones are in there. To the soldiers and warriors who lost their lives fighting for their “household” fighting not to be abused, and oppressed any longer. Those sacrificing of themselves in the name of justice again and again. Thank you, I see you and honor you as well. For those who have watched a love one leave and stayed behind to raise the children, protect the home. Make sure their was a place for the wounded to return to, I salute you as well. I dare not say that I “hate” this country. What I will say is that like a broken family, I still hang on to the hope that one day things will be better, different, stronger and that we will overcome the pain and hurt that is destroying each and everyone of us. That we will deal with those secrets that are too dark and painful to truly comprehend so that one day our children and their children can enjoy the beauty.So that even if we don’t get to see the end of the season of weeping and mourning, they will. They will live in a time of laughter. 

Most of us get a chance to be great here. I get a chance to work toward making this a wonderful place to live and raise my children. When the pain becomes to much, I also get a chance to leave. For now, I am here. My children have never starved, been without medical care, they are happy, and safe. For the most part- they are safe here. They don’t know of bombs outside their window or a lack of anything. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t work to do. It just means that there is still something worth fighting for.

#HappyVeteransDay

#Love

#fight

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Be.

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Watch “Hermitude – The Buzz feat. Mataya & Young Tapz [Official Audio]” on YouTube

This is what I’m on.
I’m grateful for the person who put me on to this.
Perfect.

Love and War Series: The realist poem I ever wrote.

I didn’t mean to break your heart I said.

My intentions to love you started out as pure-

I just forgot how somewhere along the way…
perhaps there was something that changed my mind..

But Lord knows if I could only rewind time, unblur some lines
manipulate every ounce of everything that is and was during that space and time in order to meet you in a different place

a place where there were no scars or broken promises to be used as weapons of defense

barriers of offense against us.

Tools of mass destruction.

This tendency toward war is killing us.

Revealing us to be two armoured lovers afraid to touch

afraid we’ll touch

Warriors don’t behave this way,

we say to ourselves over and over again.

This could end badly.

Bloody and Raw.

Riddled with shrapnel.

wounds that won’t scar.
Scars that won’t heal.
Fighting for heaven or hell.
Living in heaven and hell.
Fatal or well.
“Until death do us part”
means something different now.
Something, “thicker” now.

Something that keeps me breathing a serenity prayer
God
Serenity
Courage
wisdom.

But I can’t keep breathing like this.
Nothing good can come of this.
We will suffocate in our desperation.
Infect every thing that grows
With dishonor and disrespect.

The war of love
Love is war
Love is more than war on love
And I can’t love like this…anymore.

Squeezed through a broken heart.
Lights dim.
Resuscitating something that will kill us.
Making monsters instead of mausoleum’s.

afraid to let go
We’ve already let go
we were prisoners of war who were just never let go
Why were we the last to know
That love had already surrendered.

11/1/2015

A reminder…

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God knew that today, even if just for a moment, I needed to not feel so alone.

Absence

Sometimes there is no poem.

No song

no shade of blue

no flavor of wine

no candles scent

no hallmark card or sentiment

Sometimes

there are no words

no promises

no apologies

no letters

or empty pleas

for things to be…

different

Sometimes

there is an awkward silence

or an uneasy stare

melodies unsung

pictures unsung

vases

Sometimes no one does the laundry

no mail to open

no dishes to wash

no meal to cook

Sometimes the jokes aren’t funny

and the riddles don’t make sense

and there is no rhyme

and sometimes time stands still

and my will is void

and your words are null

Sometimes “this” can wait

and ” that” won’t do

and being in his presence is the only thing that really matters

Distractions

Ok so I get it now…. Solange attacked Jay Z in the elevator because she is convinced that He and Bey are the Illuminati and are ultimately responsible for the Malaysian plane disappearance. Really though they had nothing to do with the plane because – that was all Don Sterling. Meanwhile Mimi was trying to show Nico what happens when a plane sinks in the bathtub.. and well that went left. Mayweather got a hold of the tape and was trying to get decorating tips and naturally needed a womans opinion so he reached out to Tiny by mistake of course. He really meant to call Miley Cyrus, but it pissed T.I off and he hit him…. after enjoying a cheeseburger and some Patron on ice …. none of the above mentioned parties have seen any of our missing girls though.

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